• January 15, 2023
• Center for Developmental Psychiatry

Understanding Anger in Children: A Parent’s Guide

The moment they placed your sweet new baby in your arms, your body became flooded with endorphins, and you felt the first pangs of love—but a lot has changed since then. Your helpless baby has grown into an angry child, and their behavior occasionally scares you.

What do you do when you’re afraid of your own child?

Anger in children is a challenge that may stem from one or more childhood mental health conditions. While your child’s behavior is not your fault, the steps you take to treat and address your child’s anger can have lifelong results. We recommend working with an MD at a behavioral health treatment center to gain a comprehensive view of your child’s oppositional, violent, or explosive behavior.

In the meantime, we’ve created this guide to help parents better understand the causes of anger issues in children. We hope it will make your next steps easier as you pursue help for your child and your family.

Continue reading to learn how to help angry children.

The Causes of Anger in Children

Children are brand-new people. As they grow and age, they begin experiencing many situations for the first time. Children do not always know the most appropriate way to respond to novel feelings and emotions, leading to outbursts.

Children learn how to act based on responses to their behavior. They will learn to repeat behavior that “works.” They are not being manipulative—they need help getting their emotional needs met.

If angry outbursts make your child feel powerful, seen, and taken seriously, they may persist. Remember that all behavior is communication. You may need to dig to uncover the message your angry child is trying to communicate.

Your child may display tantrum behavior because they feel overwhelmed. Very often, children use anger in response to a loss of control. This perceived lack of control may be environmental or caused by an underlying condition, such as bipolar disorder, anxiety, ADHD, or Autism spectrum disorder.

How to Deal with Angry Children

If your child may have an underlying condition, they may benefit from a developmental psychiatry consultation with a professional. We realize bringing your child to a psychiatrist can feel emotionally fraught due to shame or stigma. Think of it as a medical checkup with a specialist who wants to see your child improve.

Pursue Behavioral Health Treatment

The psychiatrist often recommends that a child begins counseling at the psychotherapy center. Your child will learn strategies for responding appropriately to angry feelings or sensory stimulation. Parents will pick up tips and tricks, too.

After thoughtful observation, the psychiatrist might recommend medication. This, too, can feel like an extreme or scary change. Still, we find that failing to medicate a child with anger issues is more harmful in the long run.

Behavior Begins at Home

In some cases, psychotherapy focusing on child anger management may be enough. Children and their families quickly pick up on new strategies to help manage children’s anger. In fact, you can begin practicing a few of these strategies at home in anticipation of your child’s first appointment.

Promote Positivity

Begin by focusing on positivity. What is your child doing well? When are they listening to instructions the first time?

Instead of reacting to their anger, try responding to their positive choices, even if they fall into the realm of “expected” behavior. If a child expresses feelings verbally rather than hitting, point out their choice and offer praise. This harmony helps children become aware of their appropriate behavior, encouraging them to repeat their healthy responses.

Focus on Problem-Solving

When a child “melts down” or throws a tantrum, it’s essential for parents and caregivers to remain calm. Remember, children choose behavior that helps meet their needs. An over-the-top response to anger signals your child that their inappropriate behavior is “working,” which is not what you want.

Sometimes children respond to situations with anger because they genuinely do not know what else to do. They have no other strategies. You need to offer these healthy strategies to them if you want to see them in action.

When your child is calm, approach them to talk about what happened while it’s still fresh in their mind. Focus on problem-solving. Can you work together to come up with a safer, kinder way to get what they need?

Use Words and Pictures

When words fail, children turn to behavior. Some childhood psychiatric conditions, such as ADHD or Autism, impact a child’s ability to communicate. Those children may need other ways to tell you how they feel so you can meet their emotional needs.

Acquire some books about young characters with big feelings. Keep these in a special place so they don’t get ripped or damaged during outbursts. Read and talk about them while your child is in a calm mood, focusing on the language used to describe emotional states.

Some families also use emotion posters or picture cards so children can visually identify their feelings. Sometimes an “angry” child is actually scared, sad, frustrated, or overstimulated. Providing a way for children to quietly “tell you” how they feel can help them express feelings and help you meet their needs.

Play It Out

Children process their experiences through play. It can be helpful to meet children where they are and join in on their imaginative play. It might be easier for dolls, toys, or puppets to talk through big, hypothetical feelings.

Likewise, you can offer your child safe and appropriate ways to express “destructive urges.” Can you offer them paper to rip or play-doh to smash? Is there a soft place where they can let off steam?

Your child’s psychotherapist can help you learn to speak to your child through the language of play.

Address Anger in Children at the Center for Developmental Psychiatry

If your child’s angry outbursts scare you, imagine how your child feels. Anger in children may not be the parent’s fault, but it’s still their job to address the underlying cause in the most efficient and impactful way. Often, this means meeting with a developmental psychiatrist to discuss psychotherapy options.

The compassionate professionals at The Center for Developmental Psychiatry are here to help. All our medical professionals also provide psychotherapy and will approach medication from the most comprehensive standpoint. Schedule your first appointment to find peace of mind for you and your child.