- May 28, 2026
- Center for Developmental Psychiatry
It’s Not That Deep
By Jason Dean, MD
I know I’m getting old when I can say that the young people out there have their own lingo that I don’t share.
But here’s a good one: “It’s not that deep.”
My teenage and young adult patients use this phrase when they think somebody is overcomplicating things.
“It’s not that deep” means just deal with the matter at hand logistically, practically, and stop making it so deep and emotionally messy.
It’s a call for simplicity, practicality, and flexibility.
But I think that, as so often is the case, there is actually great wisdom in this idiom.
Those of you who have read my articles know that my style is to make everything deep. In many ways I’m probably the epitome of the opposite of “It’s not that deep.”
My motto would probably be: “It’s not that superficial.”
But even a psychodynamic psychiatrist like me, who finds it immensely helpful to find the early childhood roots of most mental struggles, can recognize that sometimes depth is not helpful.
First, I’ll briefly describe when depth is helpful.
Many of our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are based in unconscious patterns that were laid down during child development. Our early experiences leave an imprint on our mind and personality in a way that is often invisible to ourselves.
If you hold up a distorted or colored lens to your eye, you will see a distorted image. But because the lens is right up to your eye, you can’t see the lens itself or fully understand how it’s altering your vision. But somebody else can see the lens and describe it to you.
That’s kind of what therapy is like.
We all filter the world and our experiences through the lens of our own mind and personality, which are developed through childhood. But because our mind is the very thing we use to filter our experience, we cannot usually see all the ways in which we’re doing that.
An outsider such as a therapist, however, can see the ways in which an internal lens is altering experience and perception. When the therapist gradually shows that lens to the patient, they can develop insight as they learn more about their own internal workings.
This process is at the core of insight-oriented therapy, or psychodynamic therapy, which is the type of therapy that I personally practice.
But here’s the thing: Insight alone is not enough.
You can know all about why you do what you do, the childhood roots of those patterns, and all the defense mechanisms you’re using. You could write a PhD thesis on the inner workings of your own mind. And you could still remain stuck.
Because while insight is necessary, it is often not sufficient.
Meaning, if you lack insight into the nature and source of your struggles, it can be difficult or impossible to change. However, just knowing the nature of the problem often doesn’t solve it.
To make progress and break negative cycles, we need to take action.
Insight is helpful because it informs that action, it shines a light on negative patterns so that you can break them.
But at the end of the day, you still need to make that choice.
There’s nothing a therapist can do if an individual does not want to make the choice to take action, difficult as it may be.
In these situations, depth can sometimes actually be defensive. An individual may feel that delving into the depths tirelessly will solve the issue, but often they already know what they need to do, and they’re just having trouble taking that step.
Other times, it truly isn’t that deep. Or at least it doesn’t need to be.
A request or comment from a loved one could be just that. It doesn’t need to be imbued with deep meaning.
So often we get caught up on the deeper meaning of things. Why should I have to do that? It’s not fair!
If I get a bad grade on this test, then I’ll get a low grade in the class, which means that I’m not good enough to win my parents’ approval, which means that they won’t love me, which means that I am worthless.
Or, you can say, “It’s not that deep.”
It’s just a test. It’s just a tennis match. It’s just a boss enforcing a policy.
So often, the deeper meaning that we are perceiving beneath a certain event or comment is not actually there. It’s simply the way we are interpreting that event as it filters through the lens of our mind.
There could be a deeper meaning, but often it’s best to keep things simple.
Of course, when we find ourselves repeatedly walking into a brick wall, unable to understand why, then there’s a place for a deeper understanding.
Like so many things in life, it’s a balance. We need the depth and insight, but there’s a time and place for everything.
Sometimes, we just need to do the thing, whatever it is, and tell ourselves, “It’s not that deep.”
If you or someone you know would benefit from a psychiatric evaluation, we are accepting new patients and would be happy to help.
Please call our office at 201-304-7552 or submit an appointment request form.